Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Only What's Necessary

"Defiant Requiem: Resistance" is airing now on PBS's KOCE. A few minutes ago, tell of how the Jews were ordered to prepare for their displacement. They were only allowed to take 50 kilos of belongings with them. The narrator speaks of how bewildered the people were as to how they would choose what to take of the lifetime of belongings. The defiant requiem is the singing of Verdi's Requiem to the Nazis.

Imagine a person preparing to escape domestic abuse. Imagine that person has reached the Isolation stage which means they have absolutely NO ONE to look to for assistance or refuge. Imagine that they must leave behind a lifetime of belongings and take only what they can carry.

How do you choose what to take? Take only what is necessary and has utility in some way. Take only what can be used for many purposes. Be glad of those items and take no more.

Be careful of where you go. People are not to be trusted. Be cautious of what you say, what you do, and how you sleep. You are leaving a place where within any day and within a short time, the next time the violence occurs will be your last.

Take only what is necessary.

It's ironic that today is eight days after I got my cats into shelter in 1999. They tried desperately to tell me the shelter personnel were not to be trusted and that they were being taken to a dangerous place.

I was numb from suppressing all of the feelings buried inside. I tried to show the cats how to suppress their animal instincts. It was futile. I wept when they were gone.

The day had started with bright sunshine and warm temperatures. After the shelter personnel left, the sky clouded over and a light rain fell. Now I remember. It was not me who wept. It was the skies that wept for me. I merely sat alone in the 1500 sq. ft. house, now alone and still in danger. I sat alone. My body was robbed of feeling. My emotions were somewhere in another dimension. My mind was blind to anything other than survival and making certain what I could carry - only what was necessary - was well hidden.

My next efforts were focused on finding a place where I could go and petitioning all of the women's domestic violence shelters I could call without having their number show up on the phone bill. I petitioned to get a bed and safety.

Unfortunately, the form of danger I was enduring was not yet recognized as falling under the category of domestic violence. Why? Because the harm came from a relative.

Over the years, I've endeavored to bring awareness and understanding about the many ways in which domestic abuse and violence affects every aspect of our business and social lives. At least three different people and in different venues have told me I will never be allowed to present this information. My voice has been stopped; but not my fingers.

The message must be delivered and the knowledge put forth. If it does not happen, stupid mistakes will be made that will compromise the safety of not just one person but all those who are in their company on the day the abuser learns of the target's whereabouts. They will learn of the target's whereabouts and then go there. And when they reach the target, there will be more statistics about the multiple murders that occurred at that place.

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